I'm So Not That Guy (Part One)

I once met a man who could stare into my eyes and at my breasts simultaneously. Not one eye here and one eye there. No flashing back and forth. What was going on, I believe it’s what’s called a thrall. And we were never introduced, so it’s misleading to say I met him. But it’s a strange story and it has to start somewhere.

That's Entertainment?

I used to live in a much bigger apartment. It had two bedrooms, five closets, a double parlor, a sun room, and a big balcony, all of which was falling apart. Plaster flaked from the ceilings, the bathroom walls were molding, and the linoleum in the kitchen was older than me. The floorboards creaked mysteriously at night. It was the ideal floor plan in the House of Usher. It was also cheap and big enough to accommodate some serious entertaining. I had a propane grill out on the balcony and served homemade barbecue in the summer. One year I had thirty-five friends over for a Thanksgiving Turkey buffet. I would clean up for a week afterward. What I loved about it was the sense of accomplishment in entertaining people in a manner largely lost on my generation.