I was sorting the mail for my building last week when I noticed that our postman had mistakenly delivered a copy of AARP Magazine. We only have four apartments and the subscription was not in the name of any of my neighbors, so I stole it. I’m not into thieving and I don’t read that many magazines, but Goldie Hawn was on the cover. She’s sort of a hero of mine and she looked so amazing, I had to have it!
Interestingly enough, the American Association of Retired Persons and I enjoy mutual inappropriate desire. Just the other day I received this letter from them encouraging me to get the most out of “life over 50” as I am fully eligible to register for their benefits. This came as a surprise to me, since, as far as I know, I am not yet 40. Not by a long shot. In fact, if I were 50, my mother would have given birth to me when she was not quite two years old. I wish I got mail this good every day!
Today I began to wonder about my AARP karma. I stole from them and then they offered more. In most mythology, this makes me the guy that bad things are going to happen to down the road. On the other hand, that magazine could have been sent to me on purpose, as a sign. Perhaps this letter is portentous. Could this be the beginning of a beautiful friendship? Only time will tell.
Honestly, I’ve always looked forward to aging, partly because I had such a baby face. I remember heading toward the big 30 with baited breath because that’s how old Madonna was when her cheeks thinned out and I hoped mine would too. They did!
The other part is my mother. I know, everybody thinks their mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, in one way or another. My mother is flat out gorgeous. And while I feel blessed by my genes, I’m also burdened by comparison. By the time I got to high school it became obvious to me that I was never going to be, well, stopping traffic beautiful…like she so is. We’ll get into my mommy issues another time. Suffice it to say, I can look forward to aging because I can look forward to aging well. Just look at her now.
The AARP is stalking me too! They’ve been trying to get me to join up since I was 26. I smell someone trying to pad their membership tally to reach some kind of lobbyist quota.
Send it in. I wish I had. Do we think they would REALLY let you join up???